Oh No! This Is My Planet... is the twenty-sixth episode of Kaput & Zösky: The Ultimate Obliterators.
Plot Synopsis[]
After a little fire in the cockpit Kaput and Zösky crash down on Zösky's old home planet.
Transcript[]
| (Opening and title card) | |
| (Kaput and Zösky are asleep in their ship, snoring) | |
| Zösky: | (Sleeptalking) Yes, Head Chamberlain, my ruby scepter for the jubilee... no, no, I'll respect you even more! (Laughs) Call me "Your Infinitely High Lordship"... |
| Kaput: | (Sleeptalking) Eh, throw three thousand of 'em into the dungeons... and have the Galactic Iverlord lick my boots! Ah, time for the ode to the Kaputian glory! That's me. With a choir of a thousand virgins! |
| (Kaput begins shooting the ship in his sleep) | |
| Kaput: | Take that! And take that! Take that! |
| (Something within the ship breaks; a fire starts) | |
| Zösky: | Ah, a revolt! Head Chamberlain, save me! (snores) Save me! |
| (Zösky startles awake, causing Kaput to also wake up) | |
| Kaput: | Gah! Sorry, it's a reflex. I had problems with the choir, and- |
| (The ship breaks, and starts careening towards a nearby planet. Kaput and Zösky scream as the ship skids along before stopping) | |
| Zösky: | Wh-what the? Where are we? |
| (Zösky jumps out of the ship and dusts himself off. He takes in the environment and suddenly looks fearful) | |
| Zösky: | (Distraught) Hohoho no! Tell me I'm dreaming! Lamamma! We landed on Lamamma! |
| Kaput: | Okay? It's Lamamma. So what, a planet is a planet! |
| Zösky: | (Yells in frustration and grabs Kaput) You mugwort maggot! Don't you get it! We've landed on the planet where I was born! |
| (Zösky's anger suddenly disappears; he drops Kaput, looking forlorn) | |
| Zösky: | (Upset) Oh, Kaput, if you only knew! I-I ran away as a kid! I wanted to become the greatest tyrant space has ever known! I slammed the door on my life here! So you see, if my mother sees me, she's going to be very angry... |
| Kaput: | Ohoho, don't worry buddy! I'll take care of your mother! |
| Zösky: | Oh no-no-no! You don't know her! She's huge around here! Oh, why do you think this planet is called Lamamma? C'mon, let's get out of here, quick! |
| Cousin Zouska: | Cousin Zösky! You've come back after all these years! Your mother is going to be so happy! (Calling out) Hey everybody! Come and see who's here! |
| Lamammans: | Hey buddy! Whoah! |
| (The Lamammans crowd around and then pick up Zösky; Kaput trails behind) | |
| Kaput: | Say, Zösky, you're a real star here! It's gonna be a real piece of cake takin' over power! |
| (The Lamammans begin carrying Zösky off; Kaput follows) | |
| Kaput: | (Mockingly) Cousin Zösky has come back! |
| (Mamma Zösky is putting around her house; she overhears the commotion) | |
| Mamma Zösky: | Ooh, what's all this noise about? I'm going to put a stop to this. |
| (Mamma Zösky steps outside; The citizens of Lamamma are approaching the house) | |
| Lamammans: | (Chanting) Zösky! Zösky! Zösky! |
| Mamma Zösky: | Zösky? |
| (The Lamammans all crowd around the house, excitedly chattering.) | |
| Mamma Zösky: | Quiet! So... hmm, the child prodigy returns? |
| (Zösky looks up at his mother fearfully, nervously laughing) | |
| Zösky: | (Clears throat) Hi mummy! Sorry about running away and all! I-I was in the neighborhood and I, uh, I just wanted to say hi! But I-I can see that everything's just fine here! So, (nervous laugh) I'll be going now! Thanks, buh-bye. |
| Lamammans: | (Chanting) Give her a kiss! Give her a kiss! |
| (The crowd forces Zösky back towards his mother. He laughs nervously again; Mamma Zösky slaps Zösky, launching him into Kaput and knocking them both over) | |
| Mamma Zösky: | "Sorry, Mummy"? You think that'll fix everything? You march up to the house, young man, and finish all the chores you left the day you ran away! Imagine! Leaving your poor, helpless Mamma alone in her suffering! |
| (Kaput glares up at Mamma Zösky; Mamma Zösky grabs Kaput by his hair) | |
| Mamma Zösky: | You! Space dwarf! Get your lard butt into the kitchen, and start peeling those twenty-five pounds of glabweefs! |
| (Kaput makes a fearful sound; Zösky stares on in horror) | |
| (Scene Change; Nighttime, interior of Mamma Zösky's house. Kaput is peeling glabweefs, Zösky is washing dishes) | |
| Kaput: | Once we've taken over, Zösky, we'll make her peel glabweefs seven days a week, right?! |
| Zösky: | (Sarcastically) Oh, sure, Kaput, take over power. We'll just ask her permission! I'm sure she'll say okay. |
| Kaput: | Oh, well we'll just have to wait for her to have a vulnerable moment! |
| Zösky: | Mm, my mother never has vulnerable moments... |
| Kaput: | Hehe, we'll see about that. |
| (Kaput jumps up and begins rifling through Mamma Zösky's cabinet) | |
| Kaput: | Beetlejuice camomile, Altair verbena, Venusian linden... |
| (Kaput runs back to the bowl of peeled glabweefs, and begins throwing all of the ingredients in as he laughs mischieviously) | |
| Zösky: | Ehm, think, maybe, you're overdoing it a little? |
| Mamma Zösky: | Zösky! Is my glabweef salad ready?! |
| (Mamma Zösky enters the room; Kaput and Zösky have returned to their assigned chores) | |
| Mamma Zösky: | And you better have made a nice dressing! |
| (Mamma Zösky takes a sip of her salad) | |
| Mamma Zösky: | Hmm... Tastes kinda funny... What did you put in this, you genetic aberration?! |
| (Mamma Zösky yawns and sways on her feet, before falling over, passed out. She begins to snore) | |
| Zösky: | Mummykins? Are you alright?! Answer me, please! |
| Kaput: | Don't worry, it's nothing! She's just, eh, resting! (Laughs) And while she's asleep, we can take over power! C'mon, it'll cheer you up! |
| (Kaput and Zösky step outside; Kaput immediately begins shooting his crisperizer into the air) | |
| Kaput: | Hey! Wake up, maggots! It's time to bow down to your new masters! |
| (The lights in the neighboring houses begin to turn on) | |
| Kaput: | I said, wake up, maggots! |
| (Lamammans begin excitedly running to the house, curious about the commotion) | |
| Kaput: | Eh... right! I like your attitudes! I think we're gonna get along just fine! Isn't that right, Zösky? |
| Zösky: | She isn't waking up! Are you sure this is normal? |
| Kaput: | Oh, right, so the salad had a bit of a wallop! What's the big deal? She's gonna have a good long nap, that's all. |
| Zösky: | A good long nap? A good, long nap? I'll show you a good long nap! |
| (Sounds of destruction and crisperizer shots. An explosion can be seen from space. Kaput and Zösky are sitting in the rubble of the house, panting) | |
| Zösky: | My house! (Gasps) Mommy! |
| (Mamma Zösky can be heard growling, building up to an angey yell; the ground begins to shake) | |
| Zösky: | Mommy-kins! Did you sleep well? |
| (Mamma Zösky burts out of the rubble, tossing Kaput and Zösky into their ship upside down) | |
| Mamma Zösky: | (Screaming) You ungrateful little brat! You come back here right now! You have laundry to do! Floors to wax! Clothes to iron! The tub to scrub! Bread to buy! The house has to be fixed! And mouldy grout to scrape, you no good...! You- |
| (Scene change; Kaput and Zösky are flying in their ship) | |
| Kaput: | Zösky, your mother's something else! |
| Zösky: | Oh, that's nothing! You should have seen her mother! Now she was scary! |
| Kaput: | You mean, it was meaner than your mom? |
| Zösky: | Ehh, no, not meaner... Eh, if beauty was only skin deep, then ugly is to the bone. |
| Kaput: | Yeah, to the bone! (Laughs) ... I don't get it. |
| (Credits) |
Characters[]
Gallery[]
Zösky's mother
Zösky sees his mother