Globin 2 is the fourteenth episode of Kaput & Zösky: The Ultimate Obliterators.
Plot Synopsis[]
In another trip without food on-board the ship save for an old garlic salami which Kaput subsequently eats, Kaput and Zösky stop by the planet Globin 2 where they hope to get some food and the rule of the planet.
Transcript[]
| (Opening and title card) | |
| Kaput: | I'm starving! D'oh, there's never anything to eat on this maggoty ship! |
| Zösky: | Here, look what I found: that piece of garlic salami I lost last year! (Kaput grabs it and eats the whole thing) (Annoyed:) Well, don't mind me! No, really, go ahead, enjoy yourself! Didn't your mother ever teach you the value of SHARING AND FRIENDSHIP?! |
| Kaput: | (Jovially:) Listen, first planet we see we land, we stuff our faces and then we share a slaughter in the name of friendship! Heheh. Alright? |
| Zösky: | Hmm, alright, but you could have left me a little piece. |
| Kaput: | It wasn't any good anyway. |
| Zösky: | Hmph. Hey, there's a planet! Ooh, nice and red! |
| Kaput: | Yeah-hah, blood red! Just the way you like 'em! |
| Kaput and Zösky: | (Both laugh as they land the ship) |
| Kaput: | Anyone to enslave here? Yoo-hoo, future victims! |
| Native: | Welcome to Globin 2, strangers. It is an honor to have-- |
| Kaput: | Yeah, yeah! Enough of the small talk, we're hungry! A mega-steak for my friend here, and I'll have two hamburgers, all-dressed, hold the mayo. |
| (The natives laugh mischievously to each other and lead the two to a huge dining hall) | |
| Ruler, "Nebula": | We don't have visitors on this planet very often! (Laughs alongside other natives) It's a pleasure to have you here with us. (Innocently:) Er, what type are you? |
| Kaput: | Type? We're independent obliterator types! |
| Nebula: | Heheh, no, I mean what blood type are you? |
| Kaput: | I...don't know! Usually we don't analyze blood, we just spill it! (Laughs alongside Zösky) |
| Zösky: | That's a good one! |
| Native: | Your meals. Chilled raw blood pudding and plasma soup. |
| (The natives all begin to eat messily) | |
| Kaput: | (Whispering to Zösky:) This food is gross. I don't trust these guys. (Louder:) Dah...I'm not hungry! |
| Nebula: | Aw, come, come, my friends, eat! It's good for the blood! (Laughs wickedly with the other natives) |
| Kaput: | It's freezing in here. (Burps) Ugh, and that salami is starting to repeat on me. |
| Zösky: | Oh, you just need some exercise. Nothing like a little slaughter to help you digest. Come on! |
| Kaput: | (Draws crisperizer alongside Zösky) Enough fooling around, ya piles of crud! Bow down to your new rulers! |
| (Natives merely continue laughing) | |
| Zösky: | CHARGE! (Begins shooting) |
| (The natives gasp when they're shot, but sit back up a moment later, laughing) | |
| Kaput: | Something isn't right. Our crisperizing isn't affectin' 'em! |
| Zösky: | (Nervously:) I think we're in the land of the undead! |
| Kaput: | You think we're in the-- the land of the what? |
| Zösky: | VAMPIRES, THAT'S WHAT! |
| Nebula: | Time for dessert! |
| Native: | Heheh. Fresh blood and strawberries, coming right up! Heheheh. |
| (Kaput and Zösky struggle and scream in fear as the ruler goes in for a bite; Kaput burps and the vampires recoil, terrified) | |
| Zösky: | Kaput, the salami! The garlic salami! You stink of garlic! You're a walking, burping vampire repellent, my friend! |
| Kaput: | Really? Heheheh. Back off, you bunch of maggots, otherwise, I'll squelch you with a belch! (Burps) |
| (The vampires scream and back away) | |
| Nebula | Stop! Stop those revolting eruptions! Alright, we will surrender, but you must respect our secular traditions when we go through with the transfer of power. |
| Kaput: | Huh? |
| Zösky: | Oh, some kind of hype and hoopla before they'll give us the crowns. |
| Kaput: | Yeah, well the hoopla better not last too long, 'cause my belly still aches. |
| (Cuts to a large throne room) | |
| Nebula: | Before you can be crowned, you must understand that only immortal beings may rule over Globin 2. |
| Kaput: | We're gonna rule for eternity? How does that work? Where do we sign? |
| Nebula: | (Approaches) Ah, it's a simple formality. Your neck, if you please. |
| Kaput: | Hm! (Bends over) |
| Zösky: | Wh-- hey! Are you crazy?! Kaput! (Grabs his hand and runs) |
| Nebula: | Seize them! |
| (Kaput and Zösky turn a corner and escape into a room) | |
| Zösky: | (Doubled over, panting:) Have you lost your marbles?! They want to turn us into blood-sucking vampires! |
| Kaput: | (Sniffs) So what's a little bite on the neck? It could be a lot worse. (Sniffs and burps) |
| Zösky: | Save your ammo! |
| Kaput: | Guh, I feel terrible! (Sniffs) Oh--! (Sneezes) Now I've caught a rotten, lousy, stinking cold! Ough! |
| Zösky: | Flour... (chuckles) yes, that's it! (Covers both their faces in flour) |
| Kaput: | (Spits) What're you doin'?! What's the matter with you?! |
| Zösky: | Nothing. I'm transforming us into vampires! Good plan, huh? |
| (Kaput and Zösky exit the room with white skin and fangs; the vampires approach and exclaim in disappointment when they see them) | |
| Zösky: | (In a slow voice:) Good evening. |
| Kaput: | Power is ours now! Crawl, vilest vermin! Crawl before your beloved tyrants! |
| Zösky: | But, before, let's heat up this dump and make us some hot chocolate. |
| Kaput: | Oh, yes. A nice mug of hot ch-choc-- (sneezes, blowing away the flour) Oops. (Sneezes) Eh, 'scuse me. |
| Vampires: | (Hum with delight and approach) |
| Zösky: | (Picks up Kaput and hits him on the back repeatedly) Give a little burp for uncle Zösky. Come on, burp! Come on! |
| Kaput: | It won't come out! |
| Nebula: | (Laughs wickedly) Surround them! |
| Zösky: | Kaput, look! Up there! |
| Kaput: | What? What is it? |
| Zösky: | Hurry, he's trying to bite my--! (Screams alongside Kaput as they jump out a window) |
| Nebula: | Go after them! (Transforms into a bat) |
| Zösky: | (Panting and running:) Help me whip out my crucifix! |
| (The vampires laugh as they block the two's escape, then scream in terror as the sun begins to rise, flying away) | |
| Zösky: | Vampires can't stand daylight, so when the sun came up they ran like little chickens! |
| Kaput: | (Burps, sighs in relief) |
| Zösky: | (Gags) Oh, now he burps! |
| (Credits) |
Characters[]
Gallery[]
